A few weeks ago Niall and I celebrated the 10th anniversary of our first date together. Next month we will celebrate the 10th anniversary of our engagement and on November 3rd, we will, Lord willing, celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary together.
When Niall reminded me of the April anniversary that night in our sitting room I was struck with feelings of relief. No disaster had befallen me, Niall or Sean during the past ten years. I didn't realise it, but since God saved me and joined me to Niall, I had been constantly waiting for disaster to strike, again.
A long time ago my eleven year relationship with Dave in Dublin broke down and I lost my friends and home through moving back to Dundalk. Later Sean's father died in a car accident leaving me pregnant. Later still God used other hard things to bring me to Him. Eventually I submitted my life to Him, but I realise now that I have lived these last ten years waiting for Him to take Sean away from me, to take Niall away from me or to take my health away from me... and it's taken ten years for me to look back and realise that all those anxious thoughts were in vain. This ten year mile stone has given me the chance to take courage and Lord willing, face the next ten years with a more relaxed and optimistic view.
It's not that I didn't trust God. I know very well that He is in control of every situation in my life and thats the point. When I didn't believe in God I thought I was in control. Now I know that God is, and I know that He allowed all those miserable things to happen to me to draw me to Him.
But you know, if my life was a perpetual 'Ground Hog Day', and if I had to repeat the pain of Dublin, Newry and Dundalk again and again and again in order for the Lord to draw me to Him, I would do it gladly.
Although the scars run very deep, I will bring this situation to God and ask Him to help me to put all these thoughts out of my mind when they creep in. He will heal this too. Whatever the future holds, I'll try not to worry about it and count me blessings for today...
...and my blessings are many.