Tuesday 21 October 2008

Fun E Mail

This is an e mail my husband got today. Now, before you get all annoyed about the fact that the joke seems to be on the Americans, be forewarned, the guy who sent the e mail is an American and he sent it from America, ans I promise, when we get an e mail full of Paddy jokes I will pass them on too!!

Hope you enjoy them!





1.. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.

He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.





2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.
Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, ' Please come out and give yourself up.'



3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.



4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.



5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'





6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'





7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!



8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

2 comments:

ruth said...

I notice that a lot of these anecdotes took place in California. My husband calls CA the land of fruits and nuts. And he isn't talking about food groups! Don't get me wrong. I have some lovely relatives in CA, very rational thinkers, too, most of them. But there is a sort of California stereotype--it reminds me of the kid from Idaho I met who said that the scariest thing he ever did was take a group of Californians on a chartered hunting trip. "The deer were safe," he said, "Oh, the deer were perfectly safe, but I sure did have to watch out for MYSELF!"

Debbie in CA : ) said...

I'm laughing as an American AND a Californian -- I did notice the lion's share of ineptitude sprang from my nutty state. Very funny! :D

p.s.
I read these aloud to my husband. When I got to the boat-trailer one, her burst forth, "I SAW that on the internet!! But read it to me anyway." And he laughed and laughed. Thanks for sending a smile our way.