Monday 29 September 2008

A Question?

How does a mother show her love to a 10 year old son?

When Sean was a baby I had great joy and satisfaction in nursing and caring for him. I fed and washed him, changed him and carried him. I kissed him and cuddled him. I had countless oppertunities to love him in a physical way as well as verbal. Sometimes I used to scratch his back and sing him to sleep. I didn't mind, I had all the time in the world.

He is ten now and I find it's not so eash to show him that I love him. I can't do a lot of the things I used to do. I can't baby him, I have to pull back and let him grow up.
On the other hand he is very affectionate, toughy feely, smiling and loving, and although I would happily hug and kiss the child to death (!) I have to teach him to pull back and not turn him into a sissy...

What can take the place of this kind of affection?

He is pushing the boat out, chancing his arm, trying to get away with things, behaving like the little sinner that he is, and it seems to me like I am always correcting, diciplng and giving out to him. It feels like the good times, the loving times, the affectionate times are gone...

Help me out here sisters. I would appreciate your oppinions and advice!


Joy said...


I've been attempting to email you about being a guest blogger at Happy to be at Home next week (our Kitchen of the Week series), but I've been unable to get a hold of you. Have you gotten any of my emails, or have they gone into you spam folder? If not, please contact me so we can set things up for next week. Thanks!

Joy @ Happy to be at Home

Brandi said...

The men and boys (the ladies and girls sometimes do it too especially with the boys) in our church family do something they call "Knock the Rock". It is similar in meaning to a "high five". Both people make a fist and then tap the area of the fingers that is exposed together. I hope that made sense. It's a cool way to say good job or to greet each other without making the boys feel like sissies. I'm not sure where it started.

Jennifer said...

Hi Ruth, I am in the same boat with my son who is 10. I feel as if I am always correcting and need to be more tolerant and loving.

Heather said...

Finding out what your Sean's love language is and showing him love in that way is not making a sissy of him - if he is touchy feely - keep on touching him - he needs it - physical touch is his love language and to withdraw it will make him feel rejected and uncertain. Teach him where displays of familial affection are appropriate and where they are not.

Usually there is a second love language - encouraging words, small gifts, time spent together etc. Focus on those two aspects of the unique little boy God has made him to be - he won't be a sissy - he'll assert his manhood and reach for his independence far better if he is reaching from the solid platform of your unquestioned love.

Just my humble opinion of course!!! May the Lord guide your heart here Ruth - you are raising a man for God - don't wait to make him a great man - make him a great boy now!

ruth said...

My older son went through an awful phase from about age 10 through 14 or 15. Now he is usually delightful. You have to work on not getting your feelings hurt and thinking "It's all over." Just smile and wait it out--every difficult phase has an ending, as long as you don't give up. In the meantime, you can often get a positive response by making him his favorite food. My oldest son loves healthy things, so if I would buy him a bottle of his own special carrot juice, it went a long way toward nurturing our relationship. Look for the funny little things you can do like that. Also, take advantage of the times when he is sick to baby and coddle him. Hey--maybe this is why grown men are often such babies when they are sick... they remember their moms taking advantage of the opportunity to love them, even though I'm sure they don't consciously realize it.

Another thing you can do is give him responsibilities to do things you need help with... even if it is just opening a tight jar... and praise him when he is a help. Men love to help a helpless woman. You don't want to abdicate your role as his mother and authority, but if he can succeed at some manly tasks and you can praise him for it, that's a great thing.